It all has to come out some way

Thanks

That one word, pregnant with such possibilities.  That was all she wrote, all she offered - and my mind worked and reworked that word:

Thanks -

For nothing
For everything
For caring
For disturbing me
For blessing my family
For confusing the hell out of me
For loving me
For using me
For healing me
For causing me great pain
For always being there
For messing with my emotions
For understanding
But, no thanks?

HELP

THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME!  I CAN'T FUNCTION - I CAN'T SLEEP.  I WENT TO WORK EARLY, AND LEFT EARLY.  I STARE AT MY PHONE, AWAITING CONTACT.  I WISH I COULD SHUT UP AND PRETEND TO BE NORMAL - ENJOYING THE DAYS FOR WHAT THEY WERE - DAYS WITH YOU.  I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.  I'M TOO AFRAID TO BE KNOWN FOR THE WEAKLING I AM, TO OPEN UP AND SAY ALL WE ROMANTICIZE.  I AM ALSO TO WEAK TO JUST WITHER AND DIE.  I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS - I WON'T LIVE LIKE THIS.  I AM SCREAMING ON TOP OF MY LUNGS RIGHT NOW.  I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH - I PANIC WHEN I THINK I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, AND YOU WILL JUST REJECT ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE.  I LOOK FOR EVERY REASON TO SAY - AHA!  THAT'S THE ONLY REASON FOR THIS ATTENTION!   I WANT THIS PAIN TO END, MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE!