Sorry to disturb you...

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So so much

I hurt myself so much so much so much.

Will you ever know how much I opened up myself to you? will you know how much pain i let out and let in?

I have left though are fragments of the sanity I experienced with you.  Those fragment are as fleeting as your scent, as your taste.

Am I alone in this abyss of pain? Do I deserve relief from this torture? After all I created this hell, didn't I?

She's gone.  And I miss her gentle touch, her soft voice, her loving gaze, her kind eyes, her passionate embrace.  She's gone, and I chased her away with my folly and cowardice and false bravado.  She's gone, and I am going too.

Heart full

I came here to see my child's child - to be celebrated and validated.  To fill my heart with great feelings.  Well, now my heart is heavy.  I will always be Pinocchio - never the real boy, and this is no real life. 

I made decisions - all which have consequences.  My daughter is just beginning her life, and I must continue searching for mine.  I don't belong here, and I never did.

.

I'm a fuck up.  It's who I am, it's what I do.  All I ever wanted was to not be that person, and I truly believed being transparent with you was a great start.  I trusted you with me.  I was so sure and free (believe me), I thought I could fly again.  I was eight again, and you were my non judgmental friend.  Today was my best friend's birthday.  He's gone - no matter how many times I look up to the sky to talk to him, no matter how I look around for a replacement, he's gone and I'm still here - alone.

I can't believe it is like this now...

Snare-aware

Though stronger words were never spoken
The curse of Narcissus is broken
Thank Heaven for natural selection
As I survive my now frail reflection
And I, strengthened, must thus proceed
Until the next time of reflection's need

Come, promise compromise!

Sinus pressure subsiding, I can breathe and think again. What are you thinking about? Do you realize the choices I have made in the name of this love? Would you ready have me fully destitute? Is that what you have learned from your captors? And what of your liberators? When will you apply their lessons? I don't tell you things anymore, and this it's strategic. You had me fully transparent, but hated my weak moments. I am now merely being a 'normal' man. There are decisions I make that any reasonable person would see as reasonable. I'll stay in here a little longer, little boy safe from your undeserved wrath for now.